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Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Swan Songs... and realizing that there is a tomorrow...

A long time ago... in a place now not so far away...





There was this time when I felt I'd met someone I really liked. I mean, I "liked" in as much as a life which hasn't experienced life to the level I've experienced it in years since would probably beg to differ with... but none the less... there was once a time when I thought it was "so right..."


Realize this was the year 2000. Yeah. 15 years ago.


Life has a way. You travel on. You learn new things. You discover things about you... and life teaches you things you thought you knew then were maybe not so accurate...


At any rate, recently, for the reasons only life can explain, I've given a glimpse back at some formidable emotional times in my life. And like Bruce Hornsby says, "I don't regret much... not much at all..."


After some breakup in the past, where I discovered someone I trusted had been less than faithful to what I thought was a relationship, I remember getting home and listening to a Bruce Hornsby song on a stereo I got from some rent-to-own place in the loft in which I lived in what I know now wasn't the best part of town...


No matter.


The truth I learned that night would give me a degree of strength moving forward. I remember when I accepted that life dealt me a hand with that "relationship" which I couldn't parlay into a win.


"I will do alright... well in truth, I might..."


And yeah, I missed the times when I thought it was "so right..."


But what was a "Swan Song" became the catalyst for moving one foot in front of the other... and moving forward. Sure, I stumbled. Sure, I fell. I don't even know if I've figured it all out. My swan song... became my anthem for finding a way forward again.


I don't know. There's always, at least to me, been something about Bruce Hornsby...


I learned so many personal lessons in Lancaster... some which still teach me lessons about me every day. Even today, things I learned in "Amish Paradise" still speak to my inner compass...


... and while I might re-think the way some things went down, I don't think I'd experience anything there differently. Those wins, those mis-steps... those stumbles and those recoveries... all made me who I am and continue to influence who I hope to ultimately become.


Even if I didn't understand why at the time...


-t.