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Monday, March 22, 2010

Solitude...

Once upon a time, I didn't always find solace in solitude.

It wasn't always easy for me to handle the silence welcoming in an empty house. The first few times when Kyla would go back to her mom for her turn, I'd do the things I had to do to silence the silence which was so deafening. I'd inject myself into the noise which came with the pulsating boom of a bassline through speakers tweaked with the murmur of a crowd. I'd toss myself into the noise of music or imaging or the sonic things which are a part of what life has blessed me to do for a living. I'd lose myself in the music and words of others which make up the playlist in any ipod or on any radio station anywhere in the world and yes, at times, I'd listen to the thoughts inside my mind which either transported me to different places and times or which attempted to torment me while I escaped that which was waiting for me when I decided that I couldn't run from it anymore.

And so, I embraced the silence. As Depeche Mode would have said, I learned to "enjoy the silence..." 



Then, it spoke to me.

And it taught me that in the times when it was most quiet, I could find clarity, if I listened. If I was willing to just listen, I might learn things about me which only the silence could teach me, again, if I was willing to listen to the lessons which life wanted to teach me. I learned how to be a better father. Teammate. Employee. Personality. Friend. Partner. Lover. Person. Individual. Man.

So I listened to the silence. And in those quiet times of reflection, I realized things about myself which, well, showed me things about me I'd always wondered about. I saw clearly the things which at times had caused me to make a false start, or which tripped me up, or which caused me to stumble.

I also discovered the things which had allowed me to be a part of some pretty amazing things... things which I never even realized I was a part of... until I saw them so clearly through the silence.

It's pretty amazing, really. In solitude, at times, when you choose to embrace what it will teach you, you find out your place in this world. You see what truly is most important. You see just exactly where you stand with things. Or, where things stand when it comes to, well, you. You find the lessons in the ways you've lived and you realize the things which are landmarks or road signs as you travel along the path that you've chosen in this life. And somehow, it teaches you how to live. Every day. Like each day might be the last you live. You hear the wind blow and you learn new truths. You hear the rain fall, or the leaves rustle, and new truths reveal themselves to you in ways you can't possibly imagine... unless you're willing to listen.

Silence. It's not deafening. Not if you're willing to hear what life is trying to say...

It's pretty inspiring.

Let the solitude teach you. Let it bring you focus. Let it stoke the embers of your soul so that passion's inferno might never fade.

From the silence of my patio, where the wind is whispering to me...

Goodnight.