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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Staying on offense... in your lane... with confidence...

Had to start by posting a pic of the lil' sleeper... it's her sleepin time, and she's here all crashed out with her baby... what you don't see are her DoraBootsDiego 'looonz' which are in her crib with her... Seeing Kyla sleeping reminds me how simple - and how peaceful - life really is, when we live it with a childlike wonder!

There are times, and more and more often lately, where I find myself asked to dispense some advice. Now, I'm no John Maxwell, Anthony Robbins, et al... Nor am I the guy who is the best at giving advice because I myself find myself needing to seek, follow and to think about the advice I am given, but for some reason lately, I've just been asked for my thoughts... or to advise... and since several of these people are very close to me professionally and personally, I chose to do so.


Life, it seems, can give us things which we just don't understand.

Recently, a friend of mine was interviewed for a job that they believed they were qualified for... that they were more than ready for, and yet, because it just wasn't in the cards, another person was given this promotion. My friend was, well, easily upset to say the least. And why not? Who wouldn't be upset if you were one who believed they deserved something which they wanted, only to be told that you were not the one for it?

I'm learning that you can't be upset about things which don't work out. Why? This will sound very esoteric, but the solution is simple:

It wasn't meant to be. And something better is just ahead for you.

Now, sure. I hear you. "Nice words to make one feel better, tk... it wasn't meant to be..."

Well, it wasn't. If it WAS, my friend would have gotten that job. You'd get that raise you've wanted. You'd get a pair of Citizens of Humanity Jeans, a new Louis Vuitton, the keys to a brand new BMW 645i, oh, and your boyfriend would notice that you're wearing your hair differently today.

But, something better is just ahead. For some, it's a pair of BIG STAR jeans. It's a Mercedes. It's a BETTER gig in a BETTER place which will allow you to THRIVE and to become a STAR because it's tailor made for you.

Once, someone told me that 'all things are working together for the good', and that 'good doesn't always mean what YOU think is good or what YOU want'. And, it's true. But, as I told my friend the other week, when you let go, and accept that there IS something better ahead, you'll find that life starts to live itself more easily.

Last Thursday night, an old friend and business colleague told me of a neat caveat to this idea of mine... that all things do happen for a reason, and that something BETTER really is just ahead for you, but there are three more things you must know and do to facilitate this for yourself:

Stay on offense. Stay in YOUR lane. And have CONFIDENCE.

Pretty cool, hua? It's when we become defensive that we reveal our weaknesses as people. Think about it! When have YOU become defensive? What does it do to your demeanor? You come across as angry... people sense your tension... the vibe puts people off...

EO's words could not have come at a more appropriate time for me. This evening, on my way home, I was on the phone with another friend and colleague and he echoed very similar seniments... Karma? I doubt it.... but it made me listen, that's for sure...

Just today, I got defensive. It made me look foolish. Like Don Quixote, I was defending my windmill, when in reality, I could have spent my time being more productive, solving an issue, and making our team perform better because I was excersicing personal responsibility. Have you been defensive lately? Think of what it might have done to you in the eyes of your peers...

When we go on the defense, we look - and can be - defeated.

Defensive play cost the 1992 Houston Oilers a trip to a Super Bowl. They ran up the score huge, and almost guaranteed themselves a trip to the big game that year...

... until they put in a defensive PREVENT defense which ultimately prevented the win, and gave the Buffalo Bills one of the greatest comebacks in Football history.

In the world of radio, it was going on the DEFENSE that killed the legendary Q105 when the Power Pig came on strong -- playing OFFENSE -- and making the powers that be become so defensive that they imploded, causing a major radio company at the time to flip the formats on a nationally known top 40 station in the country from HITS/TOP 40 to GARTH BROOKS COUNTRY.

It's going on defense in our relationships that causes deeper distrust between the ones we love because our actions spend so much energy defending what is wrong that you never concentrate on what is right.

See the coorelation? When you go on the defense, you find defeat. Doubt. Depression. All these "d" words in orbit around failure in the "defeatist" universe.


I could go on and on... the moral to this story is this:

When we stay on offense, we offer solutions. We move the ball forward and put more and more points on the board. We improve our position. We overwhelm daily. We focus on the POSITIVES of moving forward rather than the negatives of being defensive --- or being reactive.

With my issues today, I should have stayed on offense... and I should have kept moving the ball forward because in doing so, I'd have spent more time being PROactive.... finding solutions... fixing issues, rather than sitting here tired, and mentallty drained, because those are byproducts of a defensive defeatist mentality. Funny, the last time I played serious offense, I learned more about a part of my job than i ever thought I could ever learn.

Funny, the last time I played offense with my family life, I realized I really am a great daddy to a wonderful little girl. The last time I played offense in my relationship, I found that I really do have so much to offer, and I overcame so many inner fears so that WE could have a great relationship together despite the odds of my defensive past. Being on offense in my professional life... well... we're still finishing that story, but I'm thinking it's time to run up the damn score.

> insert devilish grin here as he winks with a subtle confidence <

Now, it's not all roses. Being on offense means accepting personal responsibility for actions you took when you were on defense. You will have to fix residual problems. You'll have to re-earn some trust. You'll have to take an ear-ful from your signifigant other. It might not be easy, but when you're on offense, you'll run toward what you think is hard because it's in breaking down a defense which leads you to the end zone of life.

So, get over your percieved setbacks. Who cares who got what job. So what if you didn't get a promotion, or a raise. You can settle for a Coach over a Louis, right?

Accept that reality is what you choose to make it and get back in the game. Get back on offense. Start moving the chains in the game of your love life, your work life, your home life... Put more points on the board and run up the score. Sure, some might say you're being excessive, but are THEY on offense? If they were, they'd not have questioned your tactics. While they question you, go ahead and toss that pass and put another TD on the board.

Run it up. Win the game. And, like I used to say last summer, live with passion!

I'll be getting back on offense with you. God knows I've not been on offense lately...

... and God knows I need to follow my own advice I've given here...

Funny how life works, right?

With passion........

-tk