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Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thankful... for so many reasons... thankful...

Hi, and Happy Thanksgiving!

I bet you've stumbled by here and you're like "SHIT. HE ACTUALLY POSTED". LOL. Welcome back... Sorry I've been gone so long...

I see it's been about a month since my last post here... and I apolgize... It's been a busy month, a month of many happy things - a month of some sadness - but all of it another great chapter in what really has been a great adventure of learning in this life.

As some of you may know (since I've received your emails and I know you might frequent other blogs - hi sg*dm - fans... Kyla is with her mom. And in the silence of a holiday where my heart a thousand miles away from home both to the south and to the north - I wish you the happiest of Thanksgiving well wishes I can.

Tonight, driving home in the warm SC air (it was 70 degrees here today ha ha ha!).. I looked up into the night sky and could feel Kyla's presence. It warmed my heart.

See, before Kyla went back to her mom, she and I were outside walking like we liked to do by the pool and trees here and we looked up... and in that sky she pointed and said "starrr" and "mooon"... and I said to her a promise... that "whenever you miss me... whenever you need me... look up into the night sky... and know that every time you see a star, you will see me. And every time you see the moon... you see me... and since all the stars are suns... every time you feel the sunshine.... you will feel me. And when you're scared, sad, lonely or confused, know your daddy is here with you always and I'll make it alright..."

I dont know if she could understand it... but I think she did. Daddys and little girls have a very special connection I have been told by other daddys... and I know that tonight, even if for a moment, Kyla's soul reached out across the miles and touched mine. I can't describe the feeling... but if you're a parent, you know it.

Kyla is with her mom. And, as much as it will piss off some people who thrive on the drama of a former life I once had, I am happy that Kyla is there. See, Kyla has two homes... two families... and the most amazing thing about it is that even all that love can't contain what my precious little daughter brings to anyone's lives. I am happy that at 20 months old, this little girl who has changed my life has the power within her to touch anyone's live and to bring them joy and happiness. She lights up a room whenever she walks in. She makes the elderly woman in a Publix check out line smile... and reach out a shaky hand to touch beyond the generations a life that is so full of radiance. She reminds me of a young man I used to know... who would talk to the grand damme elder of a church he used to attend just to bring her joy.

Kyla brings Joy. And I am thankful that today - and for the next 5 months and 29 days or so - she will bring that Joy to her Mom and her mom's family. Let me share another Kyla story...

Kyla has this radio bug -- this charisma -- in her. She's had it since she was just a couple of months old. One night, I was watching what we in radio call a 'video aircheck' of an old boss who is like my big brother. Kyla met him in NYC when we were there... but I digress. She had been crying as all new borns do until I put on the aircheck video... and then, she stopped. And watched. No wonder why now when she visits a studio with her mom or me she is fascinated by everything that we do that you never see when we're on the air. My little girl will be a superstar - in radio - or whatever she chooses to do... I can tell... As a daddy, I just know. I just hope I can convey to her some lessons I've learned the hard way along the way if she chooses to 'crack the mic LOL'

My heart is with Kyla tonight, and it's with another - very special love of my life who's birthday happens to be today. For reasons I won't get into, I couldn't be with her - or anywhere but here in Columbia - this Thanksgiving... but I could sneak out of town to visit her and drive her to her airport earlier today. It being her birthday, I wanted to give a one of a kind gift... a present only I could give... and for the first time in my life, I was inspired to do something i've always wanted to do, but never have.

I made a piece of artwork. And I hope she likes it. We'll see... but I believe she did. :)

Making a gift is not something that was an original idea in my life. There was a time when, one Christmas, my father and brothers and I made candles for the members of our family. Times weren't really the best financially then, I recall, but we were rich with the love that came from bonding as a family to make a present that truly was one of a kind and unique... which carried the imprint of love to those we gave them too. When shopping for my GF, I remembered that time we made these gifts... and I remembered that my GF truly is one of a kind... so inspired again by my dad (who had us make the candles), I went and got the materials I would need to create.

I've never said I was an artist. But if art is the byproduct of blessed inspiration, then for a night, while I created, I was artistic. To the one who awakened this... who inspired this... I love you NMW and miss being with you and your family in what really is a magic kingdom... and to my dad who motivated me all those years ago... I love you and miss you this holiday evening.

Anyway, I ramble. Later, I'll post my TK thank yous... the list of 'thanks' to people I owe much to. I wanted to reach out to you and catch up since I've heard from so many... and I've been silent for some time.

Before I go to give thanks with my Columbia radio family who are orphaned this holiday by our chosen jobs, let me share one last thing...

The Chronicles of Narnia are coming out soon... a movie based on CS Lewis's books... and the first one is called the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. When you do what I do, you get a ton of new CD's before they go on sale, and my friends at EMI Reactive brought me this months ago... while Kyla was here. Anyway, after I was driving home from taking Kyla back, I put the soundtrack in and came across this song by Steven Curtis Chapman... a Christian pop dude I've known about for a long time... he's one of the best in that genre of music... well, I listened to his song, and found so much of it to speak to me - especailly about Kyla. Why? Because Kyla goes to her mom as the cold winter comes... but as life begins again... and as the world breathes again the warmth of spring... she comes back to live here with me.... That being said, read these lyrics...

While it's clear that Steven Curtis Chapman was writing for someone much Higher... to me, the song speaks about my beloved daughter... from the beginning, through tough times and changes... and when I will see her again...

It's uncanny... but with my life, so many things for so many reasons are... and I am so thankful I get to live it!

Please... read on:

I found You in the most unlikely way
But really it was You who found me
And I found myself in the gifts that You gave
You gave me so much and I

I wish You could stay
but I'll, I'll wait for the day

Chorus
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
and I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You

From the first moment when I heard Your name
Something in my heart came alive
You showed me love and no words could explain
A love with the power to
Open the door
To a world I was made for

Chorus
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
and I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You

The dark night, the hard fight
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost
The brave death, the last breathe
The silence whispering all hope was lost
The thunder, the wonder
A power that brings the dead back to life

I wish You could stay
But I'll wait for the day
And though You've gone away
You come back and

Chorus
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
and I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You

And I'll watch as the sun fills a sky that was dark
And I'll be remembering You
And I'll think of the way that You fill up my heart
And I'll be remembering You

I'll be remembering You
I'll be remembering You
I'll be remembering You

I'll be remembering You


Wow, right? From her conception... to her birth... to her life... to hear leaving... to her coming back to be with me... through every phase of our life... this song is - to me - about my life and love for Kyla. Just amazing how it happens... I'm still kinda in awe.

Goodbye for now... and to the loves of my life in Orlando and in Connecticut, I love you... deeply with all my soul....

And a special word to the little one who holds one of the two keys to my soul: Daddy loves you and misses you terribly. I feel you in the evening air... and, like CS Lewis wrote in his book...

“Whenever I see the first signs of spring, I’m going to be remembering you. I’m going to be remembering Aslan, remembering the story and what is to come.”

Much love... and I hope you are well. Thanks for reading... I'll update again tonight or tomorrow.

>>ps - since i know some want to comment... you can email me to become a member of this blog... i'll add you in OR you have to be a registered user of blogger... if you are, happy posting. If not - you can sign up!

;)