Friday, July 08, 2005



I knew

...this secret relationship we were having couldn't last forever. But I hope we can remain friends. It's me, not you. LOL. This is my official "break up," goodbye letter to this blog -- and yes, you curious fools - this is Sam.

We all knew this affair couldn't last forever. I have my own life, my own blog...and I need to hand the reins back over to Toby b/c this is his life. You should hear things in his words, not mine. My perspective is just that...mine.

It has been fun. There's something incredible about just being able to step into someone else's shoes for minute. Throwing all of your stresses, concerns, baggage...and risky business to the wasteside. Even if it's just for a minute.

Well, there is no need for me to get all sentimental...and I hate goodbyes. So lets just say until next time. I mean you never know -- I could play my fickle card & realize this is all a big fat mistake.

I'll miss you,

I knew...

... and yeah. I know.

Just wanted to throw that in, too.


... sometimes, things aren't.

It's the things which aren't simple that are the things that ultimately end up being the most special... the most precious.... in life.

I'd explain, but that would mean taking the private and making it public... and as I've said here before, I won't be doing that...

... because it's not simple. And it is precious. And I love it. Very much. More than I ever thought I could.

Simple Plan/Untitled...
... and for some reason... the Goo Goo Dolls.

Hi, me again. Good to be back.


Tuesday, July 05, 2005


...of fear. Of doubt. Of hope. Of love. Have you ever wanted so badly to have utter and complete absoluteness? To be absolutely, positively sure?

Hi. It's me, Sam. Cloudy, rainy day today. Don't you think it's amazing how the weather manages to align itself with your after day? Do you wonder why, when you first begin to see clarity things bottom up? Well, for the sake of avoiding argument...and not digging too deep, let's just chalk it up to the beautiful entanglement of life. Yes...lets.

So, have you figured out who I am yet? LOL. Who could I possibly be...??? More importantly, who really cares? I could be Toby's mom or dad, his best friend, gf, ex-gf, co-worker, mentor...and the list goes on. Maybe I'm Toby and I just feel like talking to you without the pressures of being "Toby." Maybe. BUT WHO REALLY CARES. You shouldn't concern yourself with this...and don't let me feed your curiousity with my teasing. I mean, does it really matter who I am?

Did you have a good 4th? Blow anything up? Watch the fireworks? Get way too much sun? All I know is that heavenly shouldn't be something you velcro together. It should be top of the line. First class. As perfect as perfect can be. And besides the velcro and a tiny seperation of time...for me, it was.

Hopefully, you too, had a tiny taste of heavenly. ;)

More later -

Go below the surface....

that's where you find how clean you really are. Or aren't. Or should be.


Friday, July 01, 2005

Who is Sam?

I am Sam. Sam I am. I'm baaacck. Yes, me. The hijacker.

Hi Toby. Hi curious people. R U having fun yet? Have you asked Toby for clues? Has he given you any? You think you know...but you have no idea. LMAO.

The weekend is here, and there isn't anything that sounds better than a heavenly getaway to the beach. :-) Lying on a blanket looking up at the stars. Watching fireworks. Sharing moments.

Toby won't be available this weekend. But, don't worry...he's in good hands.

Have a safe & happy Fourth of July.
Don't miss me too much.

Much love,

I am Sam.

Hi. None of you know who i am...and though you might speculate, ponder and press for details, you will never REALLY know. Call me Sam. Sam I am. LOL.

Toby, you are not as clever as you think u r. I HACKED YOUR PAGE. Love me. Trust me. I promise not to write anything stupid or incriminating. Hi Toby's parents, hi rest of family and friends, radio admirers and stalkers. Oh, how could I forget -- the drama queens of the world...hi.

I'm a drama queen. I like attention. Why else would I hijack Toby's blog?

Ok, to the real reason I'm here. For right now Toby is on hiatus. He's out living life...for himself. He might be back soon. But he might not. But rest assured, he's the happiest & luckiest he's ever been. He's so damn lucky, he thanks the "baby jesus" every day. Anyways.

Do you miss Toby? I don't. But I get to see him. I get to hear what's on his mind, instead of just reading about it. I get the real life Toby. So sorry you don't. Be jealous. You should be. You really just have NO IDEA do you?

Have you ever met the poetic Toby? Have you ever met "The Real Haysus?" I'm slim shady...yes, I'm shady. Am I messing with you yet? Do you know who I am? Sam I am.

Anyways, be nice to Toby and maybe he'll come out and play again soon. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I think that's BS, but believe it if you want.

Wanna know who I am? Email Toby at and maybe...just maybe he'll give you a clue. Then again, maybe not.