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Monday, June 13, 2005

Comfortable uncomfort...

Oh boy here he goes again with the paradigms...

Have you ever felt comfortably uncomfortable? Let's break down what I'm writing thanks to m-w.com:

Main Entry: com·fort·able
Pronunciation: 'k&m(p)(f)-t&(r)-b&l, 'k&m(p)-f&(r)-t&-b&l, 'k&m-f&(r)-b&l
Function: adjective
1 a : affording or enjoying contentment and security
b : affording or enjoying physical comfort.

2 a : free from vexation or doubt
b : free from stress or tension
- com·fort·able·ness noun
- com·fort·ably /-blE/ adverb

synonyms COMFORTABLE, COZY, SNUG, EASY, RESTFUL mean enjoying or providing a position of contentment and security. COMFORTABLE applies to anything that encourages serenity, well-being, or complacency as well as physical ease/

Now, Uncomfortable:

Main Entry: un·com·fort·able
Pronunciation: "&n-'k&m(p)(f)-t&(r)-b&l, -'k&m(p)-f&(r)-t&-b&l, -'k&m-f&(r)-b&l
Function: adjective
1 : causing discomfort or annoyance

2 : feeling discomfort : UNEASY
- un·com·fort·ably /-blE/ adverb

So, you're going, "ok, tk, what are you getting at now..."

Have you ever felt just comfortable in your surroundings? Like the feeling of your own bed... of an old pair of jeans that you should have tossed long ago but because they are just soooooo right you've kept them. Maybe like an old sweatshirt which you've had with your old frat or sorority letters on them... who cares how it looks... it's just comfortable. You get it, right? Like the feeling of hot water in a relaxing bath or the feeling of a shower after the gym... Comfort.

Now, for the uncomfortable... the feeling you get when you realize you've been paid, but your paycheck is spent on bills. Like when you've lost your keys or your wallet... You knwo, right? The feeling you get when you're on a deadline and you COULD have done something hours earlier. The feeling a wife gets when the husband is out of town. That feeling when you've not gotten a call you were expecting... that feeling when you've not spoken to someone that you always speak to... That feeling of anxiousness that overwhelms for a moment - coming from the pit of your stomach, leading to that "cold sweat" feeling... Not a panic, but just a feeling that you're not used to. Like when you get a new mattress... or when you sit in a different place in your living room...

Now, don't read too much into it.

Instead, read into this:

Have you ever felt soo comfortable with something or someone that when it's gone and although you're comfortable, you feel this feeling of - well - uncomfort? Like you miss something or someone that isn't gone or missing? Like you've lost something but you haven't really lost anything? It's a missing a weekend houseguest who'll see next weekend. It's the smell of something that isn't there. It's the taste of something that has no taste. It's the feel of something that has no texture. It's seeing something that exists only in memory... and longing to see that something again, when it isn't even missing.

It's in the comfort of the uncomfort that we enter the paradigm of that which connects to the soul. It's in the ease of the uneasiness that we long for that which we can not feel for a moment... but that soon... we will feel again. It's when a key unlocks more than the door to something, but opens the gates of something else. It's the feeling of being someone or something that consumes you "like a burning flame running through your veins."

And it's through the uncomfort of the quiet that a peace comforts me.

It's past heart. Just beyond soul. Somewhere around your spirit.

Close your eyes. Try to mute what you are hearing and let yourself sink into your thoughts... into the soul... and listen to the voices of a day... a week... a month... a year... two years... five years... that you thought were long since silenced... and let them speak to you... let them stoke the creative fire of that wonderful invention called the mind and let it take you back to that place which you miss... or that you - either intentionally or unintentionally - may have forgotten. It's amazing how vivid something you either were or are passionate about comes back to life, isn't it?

Sometimes, that's all it takes to find comfort... in those times when you feel uncomfortable. At least, that's what works for me.

My hope for you reading this is that you'll find something that consumes you...

Live with passion...

tobeinap







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