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Monday, June 27, 2005

....

....

OCD...

No, you are not too OCD ;)

-tk

Sunday, June 26, 2005

unreal reality...

when life allows you to have a chance at something you believed would never come
again...


embrace...

unreal reality.

i've said i am the luckiest man on the planet.

here's why. because despite every area... and i mean every area... in which i've failed the many....

the love... unconditional love... pure love... love that few can describe but which has inspired millions since the beginning of time.... has shown me that you can repair, restore... and re-inspire...

... if you're strong enough to try.

there's no perfect. there's no 'almost a masterpiece....'

there is, however, a place that that exists where you just try to live a good life....

and you let history be the judge.

you can fix what you've broken.

you can right your real wrongs.

you can. if you will just try.

may love lead you as you do... and as you live with passion.

- a guy, like you, who was blessed

Will Franklin Graham...

Thank you. You are the lion whose roar will long after winter last.

Well done...

Friday, June 24, 2005

Bent statues... and bar crawls...

Hi.

I know I said it may be more infrequent that I update, but really quick...

If you're of the COLA pursuasion... tonight, I'm hosting the Reality Bar Crawl... at Rio Nightlife... CT and Dave from 'da Real World on MTV are in the house. Get into it... tonight starting like at 9. I'll be there at 11.

And...

I was listening to this station called "the Pulse" today. They're not local. In fact, they're "extra-terrestrial..." but because I work in a terrestrial world, i'll limit my comments on their delivery-device. LOL. Yeah, I own stock, too. Hi, Kid...

Well, on my drive home this evening, I heard a couple of songs that just kinda fit for me today... and well... for this week...

It's been a tough one.

A new one and an old one. Back to back. Both by artists i've met.

Low Millions/Statue
Matchbox Twenty/Bent

See you tonight at Rio. And, if you get a chance, try the Whipped Cream Desserts when you eat at Whiteys.

Go. Inspire. Create. Relax. It's the weekend.

-tobei

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Completely honest. Completely open. Being complete.

Hi.

Life moves fast for me. Especially now. And, it happens that you're catching me in the midst of many changes personally. That being said, I'll apologize in advance for my less frequent updates which you'll see here for the next couple of weeks. I reserve the right to update when I feel so led, now, but I just wanted you to know that things could be sparse for those of you who come here to read what exactly is going on in my head.

Endings give way to brand new beginnings.

In a few days, the sun will set on a different time in my life. What a time it was. It's a time that while great at times - had more than it's share of pain. Pain I played a part in creating at times, too... but thankfully, pain which led to great personal growth. Is there sadness? No. It's the best thing that could happen... and the closure it brings, not just to me, but to others involved, is a blessing. It's a blessing because it means a moving on for some, but for others, it brings, as Sting would sing "the promise of a brand new day..."

It brings a beginning for me that is completely open... completely out there on the table... completely based on faith and completely based on a promise that a power greater than any other can conquer...

... it's a beginning I almost didn't reach. And it's a beginning which still requires me to grow every day.

CANI. You've seen me write about it here. Now, like i've said so many times, I get to really embrace what it means. Constant And Neverending Improvement... in an area of my life that requires me to be the every best I can be in a situation I feel very - very strongly about. CANI. As a daddy.

CANI. When it comes to me being all the things I believe I can be.

Last night, while planning my pending vacation - my first in almost 2 years - I was talking to someone about my grandfather. He's a man who lived a selfless life full of grace, dignity, strength, courage and love. He spent 50+ years as an amazing partner to my grandmother. In his quiet, strong way, he moved mountains, and touched lives. His incredible power? His selflessness, his complete openness and honesty with his lifelong companion, my grandmother, and his belief that by doing things for others, you can indeed find yourself. I hope I can be the same way.

Ok, I've gotta get to a very full agenda. But before I go, one last morsel of advice:

Trust the power of complete openness and honesty. Don't have fear that it may scar you - or hurt you. Trust. Close your eyes and let go of fear - no matter how long it's been building... you will be amazed at what can happen.

Can I? Yes. I can. Can you? Can we? Abosolutely. Believe. And find your moment as you live with passion...

Until next time...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Phew.

I feel like a runner who has just completed a marathon. Lots of stuff going on with the job, the station, life... you know ;)

All consuming. Have you ever had something or someone that was or is just all-consuming? I'll explain later.

More soon...

tk

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Father's Day....

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Thank you for all you've taught me... for all you've done for me... for bailing me out countless times and for always being there whenever I've ever needed you. I don't tell you enough... but I love you. Thanks for being the brilliant, motivating man you are in your own way. I am proud to have you as my father... and I hope to be man - and father to Kyla - that you'd want me to be. I know I am not perfect... but I'll keep trying to become the kind of man that you already are.

Thank you dad... I love you. And Kyla... daddy loves you and misses you. I wish we could have been together this weekend... but it's okay... and I'll see you soon my princess...

So, speaking of this weekend, I'll retreat to a place where it's quiet... where I go when I want to get out of the glare of the radio limelight... to a place that is calm, quiet, and special... it's a place that like John Mayer sings, is "comfortable"... where I can be myself... in a place where time kinda just stands still... a place that just kind of fits...

... and a place that - thankfully - remains private... and close to my heart.

Like Peter Gabriel sings, "in our secret world..."

Don't read into it. ;)

Have a good weekend. I'll be back on Monday - late morning...

-you know who...

Friday, June 17, 2005

"blow them away..."

Blow someone away today.

That's all for today. ;)

Live w/ passion


-tk

ps - overwhelm them while you're at it, too. especially if they don't expect it.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Improving Home Improvement...

I dont know about you, but one of my favorite artists of all time is Bruce Hornsby. When I was in High School, someone, I forget who, turned me on to him. In case you're wondering who he is... he's been sampled by 2Pac, written for Don Henley and countless others, was the touring pianist for the Grateful Dead, and penned his own smash songs "The Way It Is," "Mandolin Rain" and so many countless others. His songs have inspired me, motivated me, changed me, evolved me, and have comforted me in many a time of need.

So, as a fan, no doubt you'd imagine that if I hear his signature piano work on anything, that I'd be able to pick it out...

That's where Lowes comes in.

One of Bruce's songs - "there's gonna be some changes made" - is the piano/music used in their most recent spot. It's also a song which, when many changes occured very fast between November of last year for me and, well, even until today, inspired me. It's in my ipod. It's on my Mac. It's a part of my digital lifestyle and it's a song when I am alone with my thoughts, I turn to for motivation and inspiration.

Changes are a part of life. Like I said yesterday, the act of becoming, which really is the act of living, is powered by the fuel which comes from change.

Change is a catalyst. It moves you... if you "dare" to let it "move you." If you set aside self doubt and fear and instead embrace the POWER of change. The power of change. Just another of the incredible gifts we've been given in this life.

And I have been given so many.

There's gonna' be some changes made... Here's what Bruce was inspired to write. If you're a music fan, you'll want to hear it, because STING sings with him in this song ;)

Maybe you'll find something in it that inspires you to, as you live with PASSION today.

From Lyrics.com:

Gonna be some changes made

man was a knife expert
kinda of a Jim Bowie type,
swaggerin', blusterin', 'coon skin
I said, "You're not serious, right?"

then I saw him grab my friend by the hair
and I guess I should have prayed
as he dragged him around, I said to myself,
"There's gonna be some changes made"

(gonna be some changes made)

girl I knew and loved alone twenty years from afar
with a finger to her lips she led me out to see the stars
she led me down to the gritty lake and in it we did wade
she took my hand and put it there - gonna be some changes made

(gonna be..)

gonna..
be some..
changes made
gonna be some changes made!

(gonna be some changes made)

gonna be some changes, changes made
can't keep on doing what i've been doing these days
look in the mirror i see a clown's face
gotta take it off, gotta get myself straight

gonna be some changes, some changes made
can't keep on doing what i've been doing these days
better figure out something
things are looking grave
gonna be some changes, changes, changes made

up in front for all to see
graceful like a bumblin' fool
then i thought i felt slip from my mouth a little drool
maybe no one noticed it
on my mind heavily it weighed
I saw two people snickering
I said "there needs to be some changes made"

(snickering..
gonna be some, gonna be some changes made
..snickerin'..)

(gonna be..)

gonna ..
be some..
changes made
gonna be some changes made!

gonna be some changes, changes made
can't keep on doing what i've been doing these days
look in the mirror i see a clown's face
some changes made

going home, i've done enough to sow my little name
going where the fields are green and I can do my macramé
a buffoon fumblin' without a clue, who likes to shift the blame
and often feels betrayed
... there's gonna be some changes made

there's gonna be some changes made

gonna be some changes, changes made
can't keep on doing what i've been doing these days
look in the mirror I see a clown's face
gotta take it off, gotta get myself straight

gonna be some changes, changes made
can't keep on doing what i've been doing these days
look in the mirror i see a clown's face
gotta take it off, gotta get myself straight
(gonna be some changes made)

gonna be some changes...
gonna be some changes..

doo doo doo doo... (and piano, to fade)

-find your moment...

tk

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Earlier mornings...

...It's my new thing. Getting up earlier. Being ready to conquer the world and to continue the learning that comes when you're doing what I am doing. That's one of the reasons I've been writing earlier here... and it's all a part of my "personal hour" to set my mental state for the day. Sometimes, it's not easy. Sometimes things happen that distract - physically, mentally and at times, emotionally. That's where discipline comes in.

The funny thing is, at times in my life, I've been anything but disciplined.

But times do change.

Not that I am the master of focus or any discipline, but I would say that I am getting better at it. And, like the time I take each morning now, it - mental discipline and focus - sometimes... it just isn't easy.

Now, if this were a commercial, I'd say, "As your doctor if Strattera is right for you..."

But here, I'd say, ask yourself if YOU are right for you. Are you happy? Content? Secure? Or, are you, like all of us, battling demons that live for whatever reason? You know - the thoughts that exist because of past indiscretions? Maybe unfinished business as I've spoken of before. Who knows what it is. All that matters is that it bothers you and challenges your focus.

If so, get over it.

You can't change what you've done. Just because you've done something - or have proven you're capable of something doesn't mean others are capable of it. Or, maybe they are, but you don't know that they haven't found the same focus you're seeking yourself. Quiet the demons and realize that, hey, it happens! We screw up! We make mistakes but the most powerful thing about the human condition is our ability to come back... to take what we've done and let it inspire us to be better than we are. It presses us into the thing that we do as long as we're breathing: the act of becoming.

The act of becoming.

When you start to give into the fears of the past - those fears which stifle progress, hinder security and mental, emotional or spiritual growth in life and in relationships - press on. Realize that you have within you inate, dynamic resources unlike any other. They come from within you. From that place that makes you who you are. Follow that strength and live with feeling, emotion, confidence in yourself and in the act of becoming. It's not always easy, but, then, is anything in life really? Think about it. Has anything you've ever wanted really been easy?

Didn't think so.

When I was in Lancaster and Philadelphia - learning and growing, I had always dreamed of working where I worked before i came here, to Columbia. It's generally considered a "mecca" when you do what I do. A place for the most creative misfits in radio and where complete creativity is fostered, encouraged and rewarded. It was and is a place regarded higher than most other radio stations major cities - including those stations I worked at along my way. It's mentioned in the same breath as New York and LA while other much larger cities are considered second tier. Not to discount other majors or other larger stations, it just is what it is, and, I almost didn't achieve the dream of working there. At the end - for a minute - I actually comtemplated complacency - to stop "becoming" and to "be" what I was in the position I was in.

Then, I stepped away for a minute, went to regroup my thoughts and to rekindle my passion for the act of becoming. And when I came back from that "sojourn" if you will, I came back, and every gift I've been given was rested, refined and refocused.

From there, the rest is history.

What do I mean by that story? I mean to stay that when you overcome internal doubt and fear, you unleash the true power of that gift we ALL have... The power of your spirit. It's what - I believe - powers us in the act of becoming. With extraordinary confidence of spirit - we can overcome anything. Of course it's not easy. Sure, it gets hurt. Sure, the body becomes weak and the soul becomes run down. That's all part of what brings it to life. Just remember for yourself that perpetual optimism is indeed, as Colin Powell has said, "a force multiplier" and for me, it's part of that fuel - the eternal optimism - which powers the soul as we go on in the act of becoming.

You think you can't be better than you are? You can. It may take work, but you can.

You think you can't shake the demons of the past? I think by breathing each morning when you get up, you already have.

You don't have confidence in who you are, in your relationship, in your job or in whatever you're doing? Trust me I know. I battle with it at times, too... But, I believe WE do - if WE have the courage to believe in ourselves.

As we go, let us remember: We are always becoming. We never are. We certaintly never were.

The sunlight peeking through the blinds in the living room reminds me that it's time to go and continue my great adventure through life. It's a life like no other, trust me. And, your life is a life like no other. Our "adventures" as we continue "becoming" help to shape and guide us as we continue our journey. They define us as lovers, friends, parteners, parents, leaders... as members of this global sandbox we all play in as we go through life.

The act of becoming... It's what you do when you are living. And I hope you are doing so - with enormous confidence...

... and endless passion.

All my best today as you become,

-tobi

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Welcome to the rest of your life....

I don't know... it just sounded good this am. It's what kind of popped in my head when I woke up this am to see Tom Meserau, Michael Jackson's attorney, on the Today show.

Welcome to the rest of your life. You'll do about 10 paid TV interviews at about $2-$5k apiece, you'll get a six figure advance on a book deal for a book that won't sell a million copies and 5 years from now you'll be an analyst for some cable news outlet. You will probably never see the inside of a courtroom again because your fame has priced you out of the realm of reality, but what you lose in legal fees you can make up on the cardboard chicken and paper mashed potatoes public speaking circuit, which I guess can be very fufilling and financially rewarding, as well. But, good or bad, you'll always be the attorney who got Michael Jackson off.

What kind of life is that?

What about Michael Jackson? Welcome to the rest of YOUR life. The only place you can tour now is overseas where people really don't care and where they really haven't been exposed to the overexposed world of the American tabloid media. You'll perform select dates in America, but you're so deeply in debt that whatever you make will instantly go out so that you can cover your multi-hundred-million dollar loans and your equally as large legal bills. People will always remember you for what you were and not for what you are - and you'll forever be a twice accused, once convicted and once settled 45 year old man who said that "there's nothing more loving that sharing your bed with a child."

Welcome to the rest of your life. If you can call that living.

You got your freedom but it cost you the world.

Now, I am not saying he's innocent. Who am I to judge his guilt or innocense... I am just saying that he has an interesting road ahead. It's not one that I could ever imagine going down. Time will tell what is ahead for the so-called King of Pop... and as has been the case for his life from childhood until his acquittal, the world will be watching.

It's morning again in the prison called Neverland.

Welcome to the rest of your life, Michael.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Comfortable uncomfort...

Oh boy here he goes again with the paradigms...

Have you ever felt comfortably uncomfortable? Let's break down what I'm writing thanks to m-w.com:

Main Entry: com·fort·able
Pronunciation: 'k&m(p)(f)-t&(r)-b&l, 'k&m(p)-f&(r)-t&-b&l, 'k&m-f&(r)-b&l
Function: adjective
1 a : affording or enjoying contentment and security
b : affording or enjoying physical comfort.

2 a : free from vexation or doubt
b : free from stress or tension
- com·fort·able·ness noun
- com·fort·ably /-blE/ adverb

synonyms COMFORTABLE, COZY, SNUG, EASY, RESTFUL mean enjoying or providing a position of contentment and security. COMFORTABLE applies to anything that encourages serenity, well-being, or complacency as well as physical ease/

Now, Uncomfortable:

Main Entry: un·com·fort·able
Pronunciation: "&n-'k&m(p)(f)-t&(r)-b&l, -'k&m(p)-f&(r)-t&-b&l, -'k&m-f&(r)-b&l
Function: adjective
1 : causing discomfort or annoyance

2 : feeling discomfort : UNEASY
- un·com·fort·ably /-blE/ adverb

So, you're going, "ok, tk, what are you getting at now..."

Have you ever felt just comfortable in your surroundings? Like the feeling of your own bed... of an old pair of jeans that you should have tossed long ago but because they are just soooooo right you've kept them. Maybe like an old sweatshirt which you've had with your old frat or sorority letters on them... who cares how it looks... it's just comfortable. You get it, right? Like the feeling of hot water in a relaxing bath or the feeling of a shower after the gym... Comfort.

Now, for the uncomfortable... the feeling you get when you realize you've been paid, but your paycheck is spent on bills. Like when you've lost your keys or your wallet... You knwo, right? The feeling you get when you're on a deadline and you COULD have done something hours earlier. The feeling a wife gets when the husband is out of town. That feeling when you've not gotten a call you were expecting... that feeling when you've not spoken to someone that you always speak to... That feeling of anxiousness that overwhelms for a moment - coming from the pit of your stomach, leading to that "cold sweat" feeling... Not a panic, but just a feeling that you're not used to. Like when you get a new mattress... or when you sit in a different place in your living room...

Now, don't read too much into it.

Instead, read into this:

Have you ever felt soo comfortable with something or someone that when it's gone and although you're comfortable, you feel this feeling of - well - uncomfort? Like you miss something or someone that isn't gone or missing? Like you've lost something but you haven't really lost anything? It's a missing a weekend houseguest who'll see next weekend. It's the smell of something that isn't there. It's the taste of something that has no taste. It's the feel of something that has no texture. It's seeing something that exists only in memory... and longing to see that something again, when it isn't even missing.

It's in the comfort of the uncomfort that we enter the paradigm of that which connects to the soul. It's in the ease of the uneasiness that we long for that which we can not feel for a moment... but that soon... we will feel again. It's when a key unlocks more than the door to something, but opens the gates of something else. It's the feeling of being someone or something that consumes you "like a burning flame running through your veins."

And it's through the uncomfort of the quiet that a peace comforts me.

It's past heart. Just beyond soul. Somewhere around your spirit.

Close your eyes. Try to mute what you are hearing and let yourself sink into your thoughts... into the soul... and listen to the voices of a day... a week... a month... a year... two years... five years... that you thought were long since silenced... and let them speak to you... let them stoke the creative fire of that wonderful invention called the mind and let it take you back to that place which you miss... or that you - either intentionally or unintentionally - may have forgotten. It's amazing how vivid something you either were or are passionate about comes back to life, isn't it?

Sometimes, that's all it takes to find comfort... in those times when you feel uncomfortable. At least, that's what works for me.

My hope for you reading this is that you'll find something that consumes you...

Live with passion...

tobeinap







:::\9 4364 73 27 46 97
:::/74 74 88 7 8 4373

Amazing.

I've really discovered that life - as crazy as it is and as unpredictable as it can be - is just amazing.

Just amazing.

It's the kind of amazing that leaves you speechless. It's the kind of amazing that reaches into your soul and makes you believe everything is possible because of the amazing power that is found in the heart.

Just amazing.

The kind of amazing when you realize that what you once only thought possible in fairy tales is actually able to happen. The kind of amazing when you learn that if you let go of your fears, that anything is possible.

Amazing.

More later.

-tk

ps - just for fun sometime - see what happens when you sit in a corner booth right next to someone you care about... that's pretty amazing, too.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Cold Stone Ice Cream, Kitchen Counters and Matt Lauer....

:)


I love every day better than the last. Each day brings a new promise and a new hope.

Take a road trip. Eat Cold Stone Ice Cream. Visit a state park. Watch the Discovery Channel. Let someone or something change your perspective. Be transparent. Jump up and down on a sofa and act like a child in front of Oprah. Care about something greater than yourself. Be scared and be sacred.

Live with passion!

I know. It's cryptic. But it's what I am feeling this morning. I apologize for not writing more sooner.

Here's to the moments when life shows you just how awesome it can be if you just let it be.

-tk

Friday, June 03, 2005

When the sun breaks through...

I never realized it before, but I believe my countenance is tied to the weather. Earlier this week, when I was driving back into town from a quick excursion out over the Memorial Day weekend, I thought to myself "I hope this gray, rain doesnt happen all week..."

It did.

But, today, as I was leaving the office to get some quality naptime before my gig this evening at the Sex/City party at Rio, I pulled out of the office and there was something I'd not seen all week...

... the sun.

Sure there were clouds, but as i slid the roof back on my overpriced '79 Chevy Nova, I realized the very real lesson that nature was teaching me...

... that everything happens in it's own time. The sun peeked out over the Carolina woods as I drove back to my Section 8 housing in the Northeast of Columbia... and the warmth bathed my face with a feeling of - well - peace.

Someone one wrote in a song I heard once that "Into every life a little rain must fall... and losing one you love is like a storm... but storms are passing". I don't think I've lost anyone I love (at least I don't think I have - yet ;) ), but the real truth is that storms... gray clouds... they all pass. And when they're gone, a peace just seems to settle in for a moment. And it's in that peace that you find clarity... and it's in that peace that the world just seems to make itself right again....

... even if it's just for a moment. And you read what I think about moments, right?

So while driving, Pancho threw in a song I've been thinking about adding to 'NOK... it's a remake of "Listen To Your Heart" by 80's girl power band Roxette. It's done by DHT now... and it's on the dance label "Robbins". It was pretty awesome to hear as the sun melted the clouds away... if you get a second, and you're one of those lyric-fans like I am, go take a read of the lyrics... It's funny how a powerful song can stand the test of time... and I've always been facinated by the very spiritual nature that a keyboard just seems to add to any song. Maybe it was just another moment... I've been having a ton of those lately... and it's funny... living moment by moment really goes hand in hand with constant and neverending improvement.

So this weekend - its' gig, gig, and then, Sunday, maybe a quick road trip to spend some personal down time someplace quiet... and where I am just another face in a crowd.... it's refreshing at times to step out of the "radio spotlight" and just melt into the background. You get a new perspective on life that sometimes the limelight blinds you from.

Have a great weekend....

tk

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Thangs...

Well, provided the weather hasn't made different plans, I've got the dubious duty of judging another Hooters' bikini contest this evening. Ahhhh the perils of my job. It's cool, tho, because when I am out, it keeps my mind off other things. Let me explain:

When you're alone, do you ever find that you become a prisoner of your thoughts? It's almost obsessive - you think incessantly about something until you can't possibly think about it anymore? God I found myself in this boat over the last couple of days, and then, in the midst of that funk I was in yesterday, I realized something. I'm not gonna be able to change what will be anyway, right? So, what do you do? Accept it and go on? Deal with it? I think so. And, you have to try to keep your mind off of things that bother you, perplex you or whatever by providing yourself with distractions.

I think this happens when we fail to live for a moment. Read on, you'll see what I mean.

After yet another night of restless sleep (or lack thereof), I woke up this morning and made myself a promise. I promised myself that I'd live life for every moment that may come... and that i'll seize them... because they may never come again. And when I made myself that promise, the other things I was stressing just all went away. It's pretty amazing, actually.

So why "living moment by moment?"

Because I've found here recently that what you perceive the future to be may be completely different than where REALITY is leading. You may THINK you have the future figured out... you may think you've got a handle on how things will be or go, and then, BOOM, life shows up and you realize that there's more complications than comforts, and what do you do then? You get into the funk like I was in.

But, when you slightly alter your perception - and realize that the PRESENT... the MOMENT you just experienced... is one of many keys to happiness, then you find that things aren't so bad after all. And you start to look forward to whatever moment life may bring you next. Maybe its a friend coming into town this weekend to hang with you... maybe it's the smile of your little girl that you've not seen in some time... who knows. But I do know that each moment is loaded with it's own special little miracles... and if you're patient... and still... and listen... they will speak to you.

Live for your moment today. Embrace it. It could be the last time you feel it... til that next one comes along ;)

-tk

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Again??!

Hi. Many postings from me today, hua? LOL. I know. I think it's the weather. I gotta break this funk I am in. Not sure why completely, it's not something I planned, but it's something that's got me. It's gotta be the weather...

Everyone's allowed to have a funk every once in a while, right?

;)

pax to my homies...

tk

Hi.

Hi. Back again?

- tk

Timing is everything....

Sometimes, you know, things come along at the right time. When you're down, they pick you up. When you're confused, they show you the way.

This email was one of those for me. It came along at just the right time.

To the person who wrote it - thank you. I'll try not to let you down...

... and sometimes - like today - it's not that easy to do...

I've found faith can move mountains. Your letter reminded me of that today. And it came at just the right time...



Ya know what? I just wanted to thank you. You're probably thinking...'why?'
I truly admire you. As a person, father and friend. You have been through so much and yet you remain so positive. You have used your experiences to better yourself, others and definitely me.

You make an impact on me almost daily. I have been struggling so much with things that if I had taken a step back and actually looked at the problem, I would have gone through so much less pain. I have been letting insecurities control what I make of my life. Hanging on to people I know I don't need and have hurt me. Plain and simple, I've been scared to get the old people out of my life for fear if I lost them, no one else may ever say they love me. I know you probably never expected to have people tell you how incredible you are.

But, I just felt like I needed to tell you. You've put up with my stupid letters, rants and problems. It means a lot. You are one of the only people I have been able to open up to...maybe because I don't really know you, it's easier said over a letter or what, but I really do thank you. Giving me advice and seeing through what I try to hide...

I hope you're doing well. Have fun at work :)

Forever Grateful,

Somnambulist...

... Sleepwalker. I say this because I've had some issues sleeping over the last couple of nights. I don't get it either, because I've been home and crashing relatively early. At first, I thought it might be as a result of "body-clock" tweaks that come as the result of a long weekend... then I realized that it's not that.

I don't know about you, but when I have a ton on my mind, I tend to dwell on it as I pass into slumber... then, I'll wake up and realize that it's still there - being dealt with - even after I've slept. Sometimes, the conversations in my head are - well - interesting.

And sometimes, they give direction.

Don't know where they are headed just yet. But hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. More than I have over the last two.

Back to the pile of things to do... thanks for reading.

-tobias