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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Tuesday Mailbag...

It's Tuesday morning... and one of the things I love most is the emails I get from you from time to time. I don't at all know why you'd ask ME... the heavyweight champion of failed relationships... for advice LOL but, you do anyway!

As you know, when you email, I promise to change names and hide email addresses... I know that some people are a pain in the a$$ and like to email people back who post on my blog for whatever reason, and I want to spare you from any unnecessary drama...

Oh, and I'll edit some of them too. No mean jabs on my blog! :)

With that being said... off to the mail:

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 9:42 PM
To: KNAPP, TOBY
Subject: Hey Toby


Hey! I just wanted to write and say that Kyla is absolutely adorable! I am keeping you in my thoughts in prayers. I can't imagine being a parent and not having your daughter near you. As being a child from a blended family I don't know what I'd do if my parents weren't near me. I know for certain reasons it has to be this why, but it will get better. I acutually got to meet Kyla and Dana a few days before you moved to SC. I hope you will get to see her soon and eventually you will be able to spend one on one time with her. Just wanted to say how cute Kyla was and that I hope things get better for you.

Faithful listener from Fl,

(name deleted)

My response...

Hey there…

Thanks for the email. It is tough – and it’s not the way I wanted it at all… I tried to work it out with Kyla’s mom, but all things happen for a reason – and there’s a reason it did not work out. Kyla’s mom is a good mom, but for some reason, we were just no longer good together and she felt she couldn’t move forward with me in her life. It happens. It’s life. And all change is good change.

Thanks for your email… I hope you’re well…
...tk


-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:09 AM
To: KNAPP, TOBY
Subject: Hi from Florida!!!


Toby,

Just wanted to say that I really miss listening to you on 93.3 in the Tampa Bay Area. But luckly I have found your new site, and must say that I enjoy reading your thoughts and stuff. I am so sorry about how things have turned out for you and your daughter. She is such a cutie! Well hang in there! And one question: What does it mean when a guy needs space and says he isn't sure about starting a relationship? Does it mean its over? And when he says things are cool and he will phone but doesn't, do I phone him? Anyways, Take Care! Hang in there!

(name deleted)

My response...

Hey XXXX –


Thanks for your email. I tried to work it out with Kyla’s mom, but for some reason, we just couldn’t make things work. I do know I tried, and in the end, that’s all you can do. It takes 2 to tango… and for one of us, there was no more dancing to do… I know I was willing to keep dancing until I was told the dance was done… then I too left the dance floor… And, life has moved on apparantly for both of us and at least, for me, for the better :)

>tk addendum - please also know that I miss Kyla immensly. Her not being with me - and me not getting to see her most important milestones breaks my heart. I didn't choose for it to be this way, it is this way beacause her mom and I just couldn't fix our broken relationship so this course just sort of chose itself because of stubborness and really, the old saying 'too little too late...' applies here.

And, so I stand back as a daddy from a distance watching with love and pride as she grows. It's an unfortunate casualty of a broken relationship and I hope it doesn't effect her as she grows. She will always know I love her... I am sure of that<


Well… to your question… not that I am by any means the best at love advice… but if he says he needs space, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions…

1) Are you hooking up with him even though he needs his space? If no, give the space and let him figure out what he wants to do. If yes, F***k that! He wants space because he’s got someone else in the equation. Take it from someone who cheated and never really recovered from it (can you tell – estranged baby’s mama give you a hint) – the “space” thing is an excuse to have you around for his needs while he’s out sampling the rest of the buffet. Are you an appetizer or the main course? Make him choose.


2) Ah, the phone. “I’ll call you later…” Yeah, I can hear that line. I’ve used it. If he’s not calling when he says he was going to – it is an indicator of how important you really are to him. Think about it – if he’s not calling, it’s because he’s probably out with someone else. Trust me. “things are cool… I’ll call u later… “ sounds like a line I used to use especially when keeping the “other women” at bay. Take a look at his life – what’s he really doing? Sounds like he’s up to something shady… If you are truely important to him, he'll call when he says he's gonna call... otherwise, he doesn't really value you all that much.

Write any time, X, and I hope you are well!

tk


Alrighty then! My TK advice column has come to a close for today. Please feel free to write and ask more questions if you want!

And - now it's off to a healthy lunch at Bird on a Wire... One of the best restaurants in Columbia! A friend of mine was just in Tampa for a wedding she was in and she sent me a text message to tell me she was eating at one of my ALL TIME favorite restaurants: Estellas.

Ah, Estellas... I owe Carson a ton for turning me onto this place - we'd eat there before he'd go do the Ampitheater gig... and it became a favorite of mine, my old boss, Kane when he got back... Munchie... in fact, everyone I knew really liked it except for one person LOL. At least there was an italian joint across the street on Davis Island for her to eat at.

Maybe I'll go to El Chico today instead... OOOH I shouldn't... diet. Gotta be in shape... got some traveling to do soon and need to make sure I am in the best shape I can be in... ;)

Mas tarde...

...tobias