Monday, April 04, 2005

Birthdays, lost time, and more...

I just landed in Columbia from my whirlwind weekend in Boston for Kyla's birthday... It was sooooooo good to see her. She's grown, she's so smart - she's got even more teeth coming in and she LOVES this baby doll her mom and I got her... Her grandparents and that side of the family were gracious hosts to me personally and it felt good to be there. Of course, there were akward moments, as you can imagine. The unspoken at times screams the loudest, but, the day was ALL about KYLA. She was showered with gifts, and certainly will be able to fill her new nursery with even more toys than she had when she was here! It reminded me of Christmas at my grandparent's house... gifts everywhere and a room full of love. I'm thankful she's got that... She is so lucky to have an extended family that loves her to pieces, and I witnessed it first hand this weekend. As a 'daddy from a distance,' it's good to know she's in good hands, even if they're not mine.

It seems like just yesterday when I heald her for the first time. I can still see it... in my mind's eye... I remember cutting the cord... I remember holding her downstairs one night... looking at her and thinking about the future. I remember the little things, like the time a friend was holding her, and she wanted to come back to me, and she put her little arms out and reached for me... something any baby would do for its mom, but for me, it was the first sign that she knew I was daddy, and that everything will be alright.

To quote Ryan Cabrera, "I feel 40 kinds of sadness", tho, and it's because I saw Kyla and realized that I've lost time I'll never get back again. I won't get to see her walk by herself for the first time... Won't get to hear her utter her first word... Won't be there to hear her say "daddy" to me. I'd expand on my thoughts, but I've got another forum for that...

Through the weekend, a friend of mine reminded me to cherish every moment that I spent with Kyla. I just wish I had more time. That same friend reminded me of the importance of living life without expectations... and I agree. The greatest thing about life is that none of us can predict where it will take us... that's the best part of the journey, isn't it?

... and this weekend I was reminded to cherish every moment of it... because they'll never come again.

So, I flew out of weather that was expecing a high in the 50's... and landed here in SC where it was 75! I wouldn't trade the weather for the world... New England is just tooooo cold and rainy... I guess it has it's nice points, but there's just something about the south... and about California, too!

More soon...

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